bleh

 WEBBLES BACK AT IT AGAIN!!!!! a lot has happened.... for the past few weeks.......... my boyfriend wanted to get back with me bc of his lingering feelings and ig that week felt like a trial than anything. but the thing is, ive lost feelings for him, commitment and seeing a future with him. i dont think i deserve to be back with him after what i did to him. he even told all his closest friends and even his parents about me and what happened. if i ever continued to stay with him, i dont think his friends & family would be very fond of me. even though i initiated the breakup, i still feel lonely. i usually cope with this by gushing over anime boys but i dont feel anything for them anymore. so now ive just been watching villainess anime and some of them really opened my eyes about things. plus theyre pretty good. so ill read some manhwa/mangas about them once ive watched all the animes. im still thinking about my commitment to my boyfriend since hes sending me a lot of messages but i dont know what to rlly respond with so i hope me reading them is enough. i should still come up with a response soon so i wont regret it later. i cant wait for this school year to end. i want to live with him. but it feels like a daydream rather than actual commitment. my feelings are all over the place at the moment. 

self-improvement

 recently after the incident i uninstalled instagram so i can stop doom scrolling and rot my brain!!! i was griefing so bad but i still feel like i deserve all the loneliness and sadness in those 2 days. i started journaling and it might rlly save my life. theres many benefits too like u can just write whatever u want (im typing up the things i wrote on there to here) and u can improve ur handwriting, say/know how u feel bc ur writing down ur thoughts and bc u go slower when u write, u tend to think of more things to write!!!